# Radical Candor  ## Metadata - Author: [[Kim Scott]] - Full Title: Radical Candor - Category: #books ## Highlights - Bosses guide a team to achieve results. The questions I get asked next are clustered around each of these three areas of responsibility that managers do have: guidance, team-building, and results. ([Location 286](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=286)) - Note: In few words... - First, guidance. Guidance is often called “feedback.” People dread feedback—both the praise, which can feel patronizing, and especially the criticism. ([Location 288](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=288)) - Second, team-building. Building a cohesive team means figuring out the right people for the right roles: hiring, firing, promoting. But once you’ve got the right people in the right jobs, how do you keep them motivated? ([Location 294](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=294)) - Third, results. Many managers are perpetually frustrated that it seems harder than it should be to get things done. ([Location 299](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=299)) - Guidance, team, and results: these are the responsibilities of any boss. ([Location 305](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=305)) - Very few people focus first on the central difficulty of management that Ryan hit on: establishing a trusting relationship with each person who reports directly to you. ([Location 314](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=314)) - 1) to create a culture of guidance (praise and criticism) that will keep everyone moving in the right direction; 2) to understand what motivates each person on your team well enough to avoid burnout or boredom and keep the team cohesive; and 3) to drive results collaboratively. ([Location 319](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=319)) - You strengthen your relationships by learning the best ways to get, give, and encourage guidance; by putting the right people in the right roles on your team; and by achieving results collectively that you couldn’t dream of individually. ([Location 324](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=324)) - Your relationships with your direct reports affect the relationships they have with their direct reports, ([Location 331](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=331)) - The first dimension is about being more than “just professional.” ([Location 338](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=338)) - It’s not just business; it is personal, and deeply personal. I call this dimension “Care Personally.” ([Location 341](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=341)) - And yet challenging people is often the best way to show them that you care when you’re the boss. This dimension I call “Challenge Directly.” ([Location 347](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=347)) - “Radical Candor” is what happens when you put “Care Personally” and “Challenge Directly” together. ([Location 348](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=348)) - It turns out that when people trust you and believe you care about them, they are much more likely to 1) accept and act on your praise and criticism; 2) tell you what they really think about what you are doing well and, more importantly, not doing so well; 3) engage in this same behavior with one another, meaning less pushing the rock up the hill again and again; 4) embrace their role on the team; and 5) focus on getting results. ([Location 351](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=351)) - Note: Book overview - conditioned to avoid saying what we really think. ([Location 355](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=355)) - to communicate clearly enough so that there’s no room for interpretation, but also humbly. ([Location 358](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=358)) - You fear people will become angry or vindictive; instead they are usually grateful for the chance to talk it through. And even when you do get that initial anger, resentment, or sullenness, those emotions prove to be fleeting when the person knows you really care. ([Location 362](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=362)) - Note: This is why those 2 principles work. - My humanity was an attribute, not a liability, to being effective. ([Location 387](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=387)) - We are all human beings, with human feelings, and, even at work, we need to be seen as such. When that doesn’t happen, when we feel we must repress who we really are to earn a living, we become alienated. ([Location 396](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=396)) - Why do I say “caring personally” instead of just “caring”? Because it’s not enough to care about the person’s work or the person’s career. Only when you actually care about the whole person with your whole self can you build a relationship. ([Location 414](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=414)) - Caring personally is about doing things you already know how to do. It’s about acknowledging that we are all people with lives and aspirations that extend beyond those related to our shared work. It’s about finding time for real conversations; about getting to know each other at a human level; about learning what’s important to people; about sharing with one another what makes us want to get out of bed in the morning and go to work—and what has the opposite effect. ([Location 418](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=418)) - Note: Just like a close friend? - however; you must also care deeply about people while being prepared to be hated in return. ([Location 422](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=422)) - Note: Totally true - There must be discussion, to show how experience is to be interpreted. ([Location 435](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=435)) - Note: Discussions drive experience. - trusting relationships because it shows 1) you care enough to point out both the things that aren’t going well and those that are and that 2) you are willing to admit when you’re wrong and that you are committed to fixing mistakes that you or others have made. ([Location 436](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=436)) - You have to accept that sometimes people on your team will be mad at you. ([Location 440](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=440)) - seemed as if Elisse was going to back down. Sensing this, Russ said, “If we have the data about what works, let’s look at the data, but if all we have are opinions, let’s use yours,” ([Location 459](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=459)) - Those might be good ways to blow off steam, but activities like that take up a lot of time and are not the most efficient way to help you get to know the people you work with, or show them you care personally. ([Location 479](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=479)) - Radical Candor works only if the other person understands that your efforts at caring personally and challenging directly are delivered in good faith. ([Location 486](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=486)) - I realized I should take Noam’s challenges as a sign of respect rather than rudeness. ([Location 504](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=504)) - This didn’t feel like mere flattery—I could tell from the way she stopped and looked me in the eye that she meant it. ([Location 542](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=542)) - Note: Feedback TM style? Shows interest and respect. - Second, it made me appreciate Sheryl and inspired me to give better guidance to my team. ([Location 569](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=569)) - There are two dimensions to good guidance: care personally and challenge directly. ([Location 576](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=576)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - It’s also useful to be clear about what happens when you fail in one dimension (Ruinous Empathy), the other (Obnoxious Aggression), or both (Manipulative Insincerity). ([Location 577](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=577)) - he wasn’t judging me. ([Location 594](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=594)) - “It’s not mean, it’s clear!” ([Location 606](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=606)) - That brief incident at the crosswalk taught me that I don’t have to spend a lot of time getting to know a person or building trust before offering Radically Candid guidance. In fact, a great way to get to know somebody and to build trust is to offer Radically Candid praise and criticism. ([Location 608](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=608)) - Radically Candid praise “I admire that about you” ([Location 611](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=611)) - Radically Candid criticism To keep winning, criticize the wins ([Location 627](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=627)) - At least then people know what you think and where they stand, so your team can achieve results. This explains the advantage that assholes seem to have in the world. ([Location 636](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=636)) - people would rather work for a “competent asshole” than a “nice incompetent.” ([Location 641](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=641)) - This Obnoxious Aggression sometimes gets great results short-term but leaves a trail of dead bodies in its wake in the long run. ([Location 649](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=649)) - Blaming people’s internal essence rather than their external behavior leaves no room for change. ([Location 668](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=668)) - Note: Criticize behavior not person. - Furthermore, my suggestions were not at all helpful because I didn’t fully understand the underlying issue that Larry was trying to address. ([Location 695](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=695)) - My other miscalculation was criticizing Larry in a public forum, rather than in private, which would have been the respectful thing to do. ([Location 696](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=696)) - I should have been talking about the AdSense policy, but instead I attacked Larry’s character, implicitly accusing him of being greedy and hypocritical. ([Location 697](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=697)) - Obnoxiously aggressive praise Belittling compliments ([Location 701](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=701)) - People give praise and criticism that is manipulatively insincere when they are too focused on being liked or think they can gain some sort of political advantage by being fake—or when they are just too tired to care or argue any more. ([Location 733](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=733)) - You just want people to like you.” ([Location 741](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=741)) - Manipulatively insincere praise The false apology ([Location 752](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=752)) - Bosses often make the mistake of thinking that if they hang out in the Ruinous Empathy quadrant they can build a relationship with their direct reports and then move over to Radical Candor. ([Location 780](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=780)) - Ruinously empathetic praise “Just trying to say something nice” ([Location 787](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=787)) - Start by asking for criticism, not by giving it Don’t dish it out before you show you can take it ([Location 802](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=802)) - First, it’s the best way to show that you are aware that you are often wrong, and that you want to hear about it when you are; you want to be challenged. Second, you’ll learn a lot—few people scrutinize you as closely as do those who report to you. Maybe it will prevent you from sending out ill-conceived emails like the one I sent to Larry. Third, the more firsthand experience you have with how it feels to receive criticism, the better idea you’ll have of how your own guidance lands for others. Fourth, asking for criticism is a great way to build trust and strengthen your relationships. ([Location 805](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=805)) - Balance praise and criticism Worry more about praise, less about criticism—but above all be sincere ([Location 833](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=833)) - give more praise than criticism? Several reasons. First, it guides people in the right direction. It’s just as important to let people know what to do more of as what to do less of. Second, it encourages people to keep improving. In other words, the best praise does a lot more than just make people feel good. It can actually challenge them directly. ([Location 836](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=836)) - When I am criticizing, I try to be less nervous, and focus on “just saying it.” If I think too much about how to say it I’m likely to wimp out and say nothing. And when I am praising, I try to be at least aware of how praise can go wrong, and put more energy into thinking about how to say it. Karen Sipprell, a colleague at Apple, asked two questions that were instructive: “How long do you spend making sure you have all the facts right before you criticize somebody? How long do you spend making sure you have all the facts right before you praise somebody?” ([Location 851](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=851)) - Note: Pay more attention before praise than criticizing . - JOBS: You need to do that in a way that does not call into question your confidence in their abilities but leaves not too much room for interpretation … and that’s a hard thing to do. [My italics.] ([Location 884](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=884)) - How do you criticize without discouraging the person? First, as I described in Chapter One, focus on your relationship. Also, as I described in the previous two sections: ask for criticism before giving it, and offer more praise than criticism. Be humble, helpful, offer guidance in person and immediately, praise in public, criticize in private, and don’t personalize. Make it clear that the problem is not due to some unfixable personality flaw. Share stories when you’ve been criticized for something similar. ([Location 895](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=895)) - Note: How to give hard feedback. - JOBS: I don’t mind being wrong. And I’ll admit that I’m wrong a lot. It doesn’t really matter to me too much. What matters to me is that we do the right thing. ([Location 906](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=906)) - When you’re faced with telling a person something that will be extremely hard to hear, pretend you’re just saying, “Your fly is down,” or “You have spinach in your teeth.” ([Location 914](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=914)) - “Hey, Alex, your fly is down. I always appreciate when people point it out to me when I’ve done the same thing. I hope you don’t mind my mentioning it.” Your behavior is in the Radical Candor quadrant—both caring personally and challenging directly. ([Location 920](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=920)) - The rock stars love their work. They have found their groove. They don’t want the next job if it will take them away from their craft. Not all artists want to own a gallery; in fact, most don’t. ([Location 965](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=965)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Superstars, on the other hand, need to be challenged and given new opportunities to grow constantly. ([Location 968](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=968)) - “What growth trajectory does each person on my team want to be on right now?” ([Location 1020](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1020)) - “Have I given everybody opportunities that are in line with what they really want?” ([Location 1021](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1021)) - “What growth trajectory do my direct reports believe they are on? ([Location 1021](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1021)) - You also need to learn what each person’s long-term ambitions are, and understand how their current circumstances fit into their motivations and their life goals. ([Location 1055](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1055)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - your job is not to provide purpose but instead to get to know each of your direct reports well enough to understand how each one derives meaning from their work. ([Location 1097](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1097)) - Sure, it’s a boss’s job to put the team’s work in context, and if you share why the work gives you meaning, that can help others find their own inspiration. ([Location 1106](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1106)) - Be a partner, not an absentee manager or a micromanager ([Location 1116](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1116)) - you must take the time to help the people doing the best work overcome obstacles and make their good work even better. This is time-consuming because it requires that you know enough about the details of the person’s work to understand the nuances. It often requires you to help do the work, rather than just advising. It requires that you ask a lot of questions and challenge people—that you roll up your own sleeves. ([Location 1129](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1129)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Moving from great to stunningly great is more inspiring for everyone than moving from bad to mediocre. ([Location 1133](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1133)) - Recreation is essential for creation. Just as there is nothing inherently ignoble about ambition, there is no shame in being in the same job for many years. ([Location 1156](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1156)) - my whole person, who was growing and changing every day, along with my twins ([Location 1160](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1160)) - It not only allowed me to be on a gradual growth trajectory at work when I wanted to write and be with my kids, it also set me up perfectly for when I was ready to shift gears again. ([Location 1176](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1176)) - Note: Gradual growth helps to spread 'that extra/focus power" into other activities. - You need to recognize them to keep them happy. ([Location 1178](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1178)) - The key is to recognize their contribution in other ways. It may be a bonus or a raise. ([Location 1180](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1180)) - a great way to recognize people in a rock star phase is to designate them as “gurus,” or “go-to” experts. Often this means putting them in charge of teaching newer team members, if they show the aptitude for it. ([Location 1192](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1192)) - Apple did the best job of creating a great environment for people in a rock star phase. The company’s organizational design optimized for deep functional expertise. ([Location 1206](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1206)) - Everyone who’d been at the company for more than ten years got one. ([Location 1217](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1217)) - It was reflective of the company’s design aesthetic, so it wasn’t just a random gold watch. Leaders at the company invested personally in it. ([Location 1218](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1218)) - The best way to keep superstars happy is to challenge them and make sure they are constantly learning. Give them new opportunities, even when it is sometimes more work than seems feasible for one person to do. Figure out what the next job for them will be. Build an intellectual partnership with them. Find them mentors from outside your team or organization—people who have even more to offer than you do. But make sure you don’t get too dependent on them; ask them to teach others on the team to do their job, because they won’t stay in their existing role for long. I often thought of these people as shooting stars—my team and I were lucky to have them in our orbit for a little while, but trying to hold them there was futile. ([Location 1271](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1271)) - Everyone can be excellent at something. That’s very different from saying anyone can be good at anything— ([Location 1319](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1319)) - Allowing them to continue down that path may be the worst case of Ruinous Empathy that managers regularly display and a great source of wasted possibility. ([Location 1327](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1327)) - Of course, treating these people fairly requires that you know them well enough to understand why they aren’t thriving; ([Location 1328](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1328)) - That can feel harsh in the short term, but in the long run the only thing that is meaner is lowering the bar. Don’t get sucked into Ruinous Empathy when managing people who are doing OK but not great! Everybody can excel somewhere. ([Location 1344](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1344)) - I didn’t have the opportunity to look myself in the mirror, and Clay took the fall for my mistake, which I’ve always felt terrible about. ([Location 1454](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1454)) - In these cases, it can help to ask yourself these questions: are expectations clear enough? Is the training good enough? If the problem is that you have not explained the role or the expectations clearly enough, ([Location 1459](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1459)) - If neither the culture nor the individual can change, it’s best to part ways. You generally can’t fix a cultural-fit issue. ([Location 1474](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1474)) - People evolve, and so your relationships must evolve with them. Care personally; don’t put people in boxes and leave them there. ([Location 1500](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1500)) - You’ll get more done if you take the time to incorporate their thinking into yours, and yours into theirs. ([Location 1514](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1514)) - First, because I didn’t involve my team in decision-making; I just made the decisions myself. Second, because even after making them I didn’t take the time to explain why or to persuade the team I’d made good decisions. So, instead of executing on decisions they didn’t agree with or even understand, my team dissolved, and I wasn’t going to improve our results until I rebuilt it. ([Location 1555](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1555)) - Note: DIssolution After autocratic decisions - “I didn’t say Steve is always right. I said he always gets it right. Like anyone, he is wrong sometimes, but he insists, and not gently either, that people tell him when he’s wrong, so he always gets it right in the end.” ([Location 1583](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1583)) - Note: Don't be right, get always right. - Google’s approach and subscribed to the Antoine de Saint-Exupéry school of management: “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” ([Location 1586](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1586)) - Note: Google approach to leardership. - “Yes, and it was your job to convince me I was wrong,” Steve replied, “and you failed!” ([Location 1595](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1595)) - Since not everyone will have been involved in the listen-clarify-debate-decide part of the cycle for every idea, the next step is to bring the broader team along. You have to persuade those who weren’t involved in a decision that it was a good one, so that everyone can execute it effectively. ([Location 1622](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1622)) - Then, having executed, you have to learn from the results, whether or not you did the right thing, and start the whole process over again. ([Location 1624](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1624)) - If you’re a quiet listener, then, you need to take steps to reassure those made uncomfortable by your style. Don’t be pointlessly inscrutable. To get others to say what they think, you need to say what you think sometimes, too. If you want to be challenged, you need to be willing to challenge. ([Location 1664](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1664)) - “Jony, here’s a dopey idea.…” He wasn’t quiet about his idea, but he was inviting Jony to challenge it by calling it dopey. ([Location 1681](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1681)) - Paul Saffo, an engineering professor at Stanford, describes a technique he calls “strong opinions, weakly held.” ([Location 1689](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1689)) - Loud listening—stating a point of view strongly—offers a quick way to expose opposing points of view or flaws in reasoning. It also prevents people from wasting a lot of time trying to figure out what the boss thinks. ([Location 1695](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1695)) - The keys are 1) have a simple system for employees to use to generate ideas and voice complaints, 2) make sure that at least some of the issues raised are quickly addressed, and 3) regularly offer explanations as to why the other issues aren’t being addressed. ([Location 1705](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1705)) - Note: Make others listen others. - Define clear boundaries of how much time you can spend—and then make sure that time is highly impactful. ([Location 1708](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1708)) - We created an ideas tool (basically just a wiki) that allowed people to submit an idea, have it reviewed by the team, and voted up or down. That was a form of listening, and people whose ideas got voted up definitely felt heard by their colleagues. People whose ideas were not voted up knew that their ideas had been explicitly rejected: a much clearer signal than radio silence from overburdened management. However, a vote is not always the best way to identify the best ideas, or to make sure people are listening to each other. Therefore, I asked the ideas team to read all the ideas and talk to all the people who submitted them—to listen. After that development, the team used a combination of votes and judgment to select the best ideas. ([Location 1721](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1721)) - Why did I add all that context? First, to demonstrate just how great the impact of her idea was. The use of programmable keypads by itself was hardly revolutionary, but when people saw the cumulative effect of that idea and others like it over time, Sarah’s innovation felt a lot bigger. Second, it inspired people who had other ideas like this to be vocal about them. Third, and most importantly, it encouraged people to listen to each other’s ideas, to take them seriously, and to help one another implement them without waiting for management’s blessing. It’s so easy to lose “small” ideas in big organizations, and if you do you kill incremental innovation. ([Location 1739](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1739)) - Note: Make all people to listen, validating the theory (article). Encoraging people to do the next tinny but significant improvement. - Jony said. “He understood that while ideas ultimately can be so powerful, they begin as fragile, barely formed thoughts, so easily missed, so easily compromised, so easily just squished.” ([Location 1776](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1776)) - Note: Creativity process for steve was a process for clarification and solidification. - Pixar has a technique called “plussing.” Rather than saying, “No, that is a bad idea,” people must offer a solution to the problem they are pointing out. ([Location 1813](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1813)) - This is a form of “plussing.” You can point out problems but with the aim of figuring a way around those problems, not killing ideas. ([Location 1817](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1817)) - I’d always shifted the burden of responsibility for understanding to the listener, not to the explainer. ([Location 1824](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1824)) - You need to push them to communicate with such precision and clarity that it’s impossible not to grasp their argument. ([Location 1834](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1834)) - The essence of making an idea clear requires a deep understanding not only of the idea but also of the person to whom one is explaining the idea. ([Location 1839](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1839)) - when a team debated, both the ideas and the people came out more beautiful—results well worth all the friction and noise.5 ([Location 1854](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1854)) - Redirect them to focus on the facts; don’t allow people to attribute ownership to ideas, and don’t get hijacked by how others who aren’t in the room might (or might not) feel. Remind people what the goal is: to get to the best answer, as a team. ([Location 1865](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1865)) - Another way to help people search for the best answer instead of seeking ego validation is to make them switch roles. If a person has been arguing for A, ask them to start arguing for B. ([Location 1869](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1869)) - McKinsey had very consciously created an “obligation to dissent.” If everyone around the table agreed, that was a red flag. ([Location 1874](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1874)) - If you’ve gotten to know each person on your team well enough, you’ll be sufficiently aware of everyone’s emotions and energies ([Location 1883](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1883)) - This drove home the importance of providing a clear explanation up front about the purpose of debate and creating a positive space in which it can occur ([Location 1893](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1893)) - separate debate meetings and decision meetings. ([Location 1898](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1898)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - My instinct is to be a peacemaker, or to get to a decision quickly. But a boss’s job is often to keep the debate going rather than to resolve it with a decision. ([Location 1905](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1905)) - Twitter and Square CEO Jack Dorsey put it, to “push the decisions into the facts.” ([Location 1920](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1920)) - What he calls “garbage can decision-making” occurs when the people who happen to be around the table are the deciders rather than the people with the best information. ([Location 1953](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1953)) - The decider should get facts, not recommendations ([Location 1958](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1958)) - If Steve Jobs was making an important decision and wanted to understand some aspect of it more deeply, he’d go right to the person working on it. ([Location 1974](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=1974)) - He resolved this by explaining that to be legitimately persuasive a speaker must address the audience’s emotions but also establish the credibility and share the logic of the argument. ([Location 2002](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2002)) - Aristotle’s elements of rhetoric—pathos, logos, and ethos, which I’ll translate loosely as emotion, logic, and credibility.7 ([Location 2005](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2005)) - He showed his work. This signaled that if there was a flaw in his reasoning, he wanted to know about it. And if there wasn’t, people would be more likely to accept his idea. Showing his work was what strengthened his logic and ultimately made him not only persuasive but “always getting it right.” ([Location 2056](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2056)) - “If you have to use someone else’s name or authority to get a point across, there is little merit to the point (you might not believe it yourself). If you believe something to be correct, focus on showing your work to prove it. Authority derives naturally from merit, not the other way around.” ([Location 2213](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2213)) - Performance ratings were influenced by 360-degree feedback on each employee, not just the manager’s subjective opinion, and then calibrated across teams to make sure standards were similarly upheld across teams. ([Location 2240](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2240)) - When you have too much unilateral authority, you’ll inevitably do things that will erode trust, ruin your relationships, ([Location 2244](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2244)) - Note: In fact. People expect to have benefits from the relationship. - You have a job to do. You have to guide your team to achieve results, and to do that you’re going to have to break ties and make tough decisions, often unpopular ones. That’s part of why building relationships based on trust and in which people feel free at work is so important. ([Location 2249](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2249)) - BUILDING RADICALLY CANDID relationships requires you to walk a fine line between respecting other people’s boundaries and encouraging them to bring their whole selves to work. ([Location 2285](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2285)) - Implicit Association Test (IAT) that measures unconscious bias, ([Location 2331](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2331)) - Note: Let's Do that test! - Both of their teachers were speculating why boys raise their hands more often than girls. Then I attended a class and heard the questions: “OK, you guys, who knows what four plus one is?” No wonder the girls weren’t raising their hands! Children are literal, and girls are not guys. ([Location 2334](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2334)) - Note: How language excludes people. - It’s not easy to change your reflexive idiom, but Dick spent real energy training himself to say “you all” instead of “you guys.” ([Location 2343](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2343)) - “No, because it seemed just so natural coming from him. I wish more people would hug like that.” ([Location 2356](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2356)) - Note: Hug in the natural way. Do it often so it feels natural coming from you. - “Interesting fact: to be most effective at optimizing the flow of the chemicals oxytocin and serotonin—which boost mood and promote bonding—hold a hug for at least six seconds.” ([Location 2362](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2362)) - Note: 6-seconds hugs. - The “golden rule” says do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. The “platinum rule” says, figure out what makes the other person comfortable, and do that. ([Location 2370](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2370)) - You don’t want to take your bad days out on your team, but nor can you hide the fact you’re not at your best. The best you can do is to own up to how you feel and what’s going on in the rest of your life, so others don’t feel your mood is their fault. I learned simply to say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m having a shitty day. ([Location 2384](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2384)) - Note: Be open to just share it. - Acknowledge emotions. Emotional reactions can offer important clues to help you better understand what’s really going on with the people you manage. They can offer you a shortcut to the heart of the matter. So don’t respond to outbursts or sullen silences by pretending they are not happening. Don’t try to mitigate them by saying things like, “It’s not personal,” or “Let’s be professional.” Instead say, “I can see you’re mad/frustrated/elated/____” ([Location 2399](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2399)) - Note: Acknowledge Emotions - If you feel guilty about the fact that they are upset, you’re more likely to have a defensive reaction than a compassionate one. Your defensive reaction can lead you, in turn, to unintentionally patronizing or cold behavior. ([Location 2409](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2409)) - If you tell somebody they can’t have a particular emotional reaction, it becomes almost inevitable they will have that reaction; ([Location 2417](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2417)) - Note: Just don't say "Don't..." - If you really can’t handle emotional outbursts, forgive yourself. You don’t have to sit there watching somebody cry or yell if it’s unbearable for you. If somebody starts to have an emotional reaction you can’t deal with, it’s fine to say, “I am sorry you’re upset. I’m going to step out for a moment and get you some water. I’ll be right back.” Then, when you get back, you can say, “I’d like to change the topic for now and discuss this later. I promise I’ll come back to it, because I can see it’s important. But I’m having a hard time right now.” ([Location 2422](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2422)) - Note: WIth this you recognize it and show you care but you keep your space. - He pointed out to me that offering a Kleenex at the first sign of tears sometimes can really turn on the waterworks. If he saw somebody start to tear up, he’d excuse himself to leave the office and go get Kleenex. ([Location 2429](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2429)) - If you see that somebody is getting upset, offer a bottle of water. Often, the simple pause to unscrew the top and take a sip of water is enough to help the person feel calmer. ([Location 2433](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2433)) - When you’re walking, the emotions are less on display and less likely to start resonating in a destructive way. ([Location 2436](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2436)) - Too many managers fear that public challenge will undermine their authority. It’s natural to want to repress dissent, but a good reaction to public criticism can be the very thing that establishes your credibility as a strong leader, and will help you build a culture of guidance. ([Location 2487](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2487)) - “Is there anything I could do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?” ([Location 2492](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2492)) - Note: Receive feedback - One technique is to count to six before saying anything else, forcing them to endure the silence. The goal is not to be a bully but to insist on a candid discussion ([Location 2500](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2500)) - try saying something like, “Then why are you folding your arms and hunching down in your seat? Come on, tell me what you’re really thinking!” ([Location 2512](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2512)) - Note: Ask when non-verbal signs - try to repeat what the person said to make sure you’ve understood it, rather than defending yourself ([Location 2516](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2516)) - Note: Clarify no defend - you have to follow up by showing that you really did welcome it. ([Location 2525](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2525)) - If you agree with the criticism, make a change as soon as possible. If the necessary change will take time, do something visible to show you’re trying. ([Location 2526](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2526)) - Instead, first, find something in the criticism you can agree with, to signal that you’re open to criticism. Then, check for understanding—repeat what you heard back to the person to make sure you got it. Then, let them know you want to think about what they said, and schedule a time to talk about it again. It’s essential that you do get back to it. ([Location 2536](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2536)) - Note: How to deal with disagreement on feedback received - a clear idea of when it’s time to stop arguing and commit. ([Location 2542](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2542)) - Explain why you don’t want them to be ruinously empathetic or manipulatively insincere with you. Tell them you’d welcome Radical Candor, but you’d prefer Obnoxious Aggression to silence. ([Location 2546](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2546)) - But it needn’t be elaborate. ([Location 2556](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2556)) - a common concern that people raise about giving feedback is “What if I’m wrong?” My answer is that you may very well be wrong. And telling somebody what you think gives them the opportunity to tell you if you are. ([Location 2591](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2591)) - when giving feedback: 1) the situation you saw, 2) the behavior (i.e., what the person did, either good or bad), and 3) the impact you observed. ([Location 2597](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2597)) - The point is not just to say whatever is in your left-hand column; it’s to have the humility to question what you’re thinking ([Location 2615](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2615)) - “Broccoli is yucky. That’s why I don’t like it.” ([Location 2620](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2620)) - “I’m going to describe a problem I see; I may be wrong, and if I am I hope you’ll tell me; if I’m not I hope my bringing it up will help you fix it.” ([Location 2631](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2631)) - But this is one of those cases where the difference in terms of time spent and impact is huge. ([Location 2656](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2656)) - impromptu guidance really, truly is something you can squeeze in between meetings in three minutes or less. If you give it right away in between meetings, you will not only save yourself a subsequent meeting ([Location 2676](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2676)) - by having twenty-five- and fifty-minute meetings with hard stops, ([Location 2686](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2686)) - You’d never let the fact that you go to the dentist for a cleaning a couple times a year prevent you from brushing your teeth every day. Don’t use performance reviews as an excuse not to give impromptu in-person feedback. ([Location 2692](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2692)) - Unless you feel you’re in a rage, just say what you’re thinking right away! ([Location 2698](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2698)) - Better, of course, is to let people present their own work whenever possible so they can get guidance first-hand. ([Location 2703](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2703)) - If you don’t know whether what you said was clear to the other person, you may as well not have said it. ([Location 2707](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2707)) - If somebody is upset, this gives you an opportunity to show compassion—to go up on the “care personally” dimension ([Location 2712](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2712)) - When somebody is blowing you off (as I did Sheryl when she first told me I said “um” a lot), you know you have to go further on the “challenge directly” ([Location 2714](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2714)) - But when someone is upset or angry, focus on showing that you care personally, ([Location 2716](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2716)) - I realize that it’s actually faster to walk down the hall or if the person is remote pick up the phone. ([Location 2725](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2725)) - Multiple modes. I found that praising people at a public all-hands meeting was a great way to share significant accomplishments. However, I often found that following up in person at a 1:1 carried more emotional weight, and following up with an email to the whole team carried more lasting weight. ([Location 2726](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2726)) - Note: Praise in multiple ways. - If you are in a remote office, or if you are managing people in remote offices, it’s really important to have quick, frequent interactions. ([Location 2734](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2734)) - Praise in public, criticize in private ([Location 2740](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2740)) - Note: Golden rule - Those kinds of corrections could go out over email or be said in a public meeting. ([Location 2749](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2749)) - Note: Corrections are never personal, point to the fact for the sake of a better result. - for some any kind of public mention is cruel and unusual punishment. ([Location 2753](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2753)) - Something like, “Not because I want to embarrass Jane, but to make sure all of you learn from what she did, I’m going to tell you what she just accomplished, and how she did it.” ([Location 2759](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2759)) - Making a fundamental attribution error is using perceived personality attributes—“You’re stupid, lazy, greedy, hypocritical, an asshole,” etc.—to explain someone else’s behavior rather than considering one’s own behavior and/or the situational factors that were probably the real cause of the other person’s behavior. ([Location 2767](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2767)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: Fundamental attribution error - Try to catch yourself when you think or say, “You are ____.” Use situation, behavior, impact, or the left-hand column techniques to be humble and to avoid personalizing. ([Location 2773](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2773)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: De-personalize the critisism - Thus when you try to soften the blow by saying, “Don’t take it personally,” you are in effect negating those feelings. It’s like saying, “Don’t be sad,” or “Don’t be mad.” Part of your job as a boss (and as a human being) is to acknowledge and deal with emotional responses, not to dismiss or avoid them. ([Location 2791](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2791)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - If somebody feels you were unnecessarily harsh, they should put a criticism sticker in the Obnoxious Aggression quadrant. If they feel you pulled your punches, they’ll put a criticism sticker in the Ruinous Empathy quadrant. If they feel you dished out too many meaningless “atta boy”s or “good job”s or “I’m so proud of you”s just to make them feel better, they’ll put a praise sticker in the Ruinous Empathy quadrant. If they feel you told them they did a good job but then told somebody else they did a bad job, then they put a praise sticker in the Manipulative Insincerity quadrant. ([Location 2813](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2813)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Start by asking for guidance before you give it. ([Location 2873](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2873)) - don’t offer a critique of the criticism, and don’t accept bland praise; ([Location 2875](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2875)) - ask permission to give guidance. Say something like, “Would it be helpful if I told you what I thought of X?” ([Location 2879](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2879)) - start with something pretty small and benign and see how they react. If they react well and reward the candor, keep going. ([Location 2881](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2881)) - When offering guidance to your boss, use the same tips above: be helpful, humble, do it immediately and in person, praise in public (if it doesn’t look like kissing up), criticize in private, and don’t personalize. ([Location 2883](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2883)) - Note: Sum up - Radical Candor is the way out of this dilemma. If you are able to tell your boss that you disagree with a decision, then at least you can have conversations that will allow you to better understand the rationale behind it. ([Location 2889](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2889)) - Note: this way you can explain even when disagreement. - Andy Grove had a mantra at Intel that we borrowed to describe leadership at Apple: Listen, Challenge, Commit. A strong leader has the humility to listen, the confidence to challenge, and the wisdom to know when to quit arguing and to get on board. ([Location 2896](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2896)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: Humility to listen. Confidence to challenge. Wisdom to commit. - Criticism is a gift, and you need to give it in equal measure to your male and female direct reports. ([Location 2911](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2911)) - It’s that the pervasive atmosphere of anxiety around gender issues has everybody walking on eggshells and avoiding important truths. ([Location 2935](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2935)) - Let’s imagine that she takes the “abrasive” feedback to heart and quits challenging her reports directly. She adjusts her behavior so that she’s more likeable but less effective at work. ([Location 2983](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=2983)) - Note: Ruining her carreer due to biased evaluations. - “I’m worried you’re so concerned about my feelings that you’re hesitant to give me the feedback I need to improve,” ([Location 3007](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3007)) - Then, pause. Count to six in your head. Embrace the discomfort. ([Location 3009](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3009)) - There should never be any surprises in a formal performance review, and if you’ve been diligent about offering regular impromptu guidance, ([Location 3075](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3075)) - Asking each of my direct reports to give me a performance review before I gave them one was helpful. ([Location 3085](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3085)) - Spend half the time looking back (diagnosis), half the time looking forward (plan). ([Location 3112](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3112)) - This was often as simple as an agenda item in a couple of future 1:1s ([Location 3122](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3122)) - But if they can’t, offer to have a three-way conversation, ideally in person ([Location 3136](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3136)) - At every all-hands meeting, he invited people to nominate each other to win the “Killer Whale” for a week. The idea was to get people from the team to stand up and talk about some extraordinary work they’d seen somebody else do. The winner of the whale the previous week decided who deserved the whale this week. Next, people nominated themselves for “Whoops the Monkey.” If anyone screwed up that week, they could stand up, tell the story, get automatic forgiveness, and help prevent somebody else from making the same mistake. ([Location 3149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3149)) - the most important things any manager of managers could do to foster a culture of guidance was to have so-called “skip level meetings.” In these meetings, which need to happen only once a year to be effective, you will meet with the people who work for your direct reports, without your direct reports in the room, and ask what they could do or stop doing to be better bosses. ([Location 3178](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3178)) - Note: Skip level meetings. What can we do to e better bosses? - That doesn’t mean you can’t sympathize with the way people feel, though. There’s a world of difference between saying, “Wow, I can tell this is stressful. I’m sorry about that. Let’s see what we can do to improve the situation,” and saying, “Wow, your boss is a micromanager. Don’t worry—I’m going to put a stop to this!” ([Location 3257](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3257)) - He taught every manager on his team to have a succession of three forty-five-minute conversations with ([Location 3341](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3341)) - Conversation one: life story ([Location 3345](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3345)) - Note: Get-to-know-more conversations 1: Life story - Then, he advised each manager to focus on changes that people had made and to understand why they’d made those choices. ([Location 3347](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3347)) - Note: In the why of our past life changes decisions may be the motivtors for each person. We need to listen carefully about decisions. - If a person signals discomfort at a question, you have to respect that. ([Location 3360](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3360)) - practice these get-to-know-you conversations with each other, in order to get people more comfortable with having them, ([Location 3364](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3364)) - learning what motivates people at work. ([Location 3366](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3366)) - The second conversation: dreams ([Location 3380](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3380)) - Bosses usually ask about “long-term goals” or “career aspirations” or “five-year plans,” but each of these phrases, when used by a boss, tends to elicit a certain type of answer: a “professional,” and not entirely human, answer. ([Location 3383](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3383)) - “What do you want the pinnacle of your career to look like?” ([Location 3398](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3398)) - Note: Intro question - Ask each direct report to create a document with three to five columns; title each with the names of the dreams they described in the last conversation. Then, list the skills needed as rows. Show how important each skill is to each dream, and what their level of competency is in that skill. ([Location 3401](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3401)) - making sure that the person’s dreams are aligned with the values they have expressed. ([Location 3405](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3405)) - Conversation three: eighteen-month plan ([Location 3414](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3414)) - “What do I need to learn in order to move in the direction of my dreams? How should I prioritize the things I need to learn? Whom can I learn from?” ([Location 3415](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3415)) - Here’s what to do: make a list of how the person’s role can change to help them learn the skills needed to achieve each dream; whom they can learn from; and classes they could take or books they could read. Then, next to each item, note who does what by when—and make sure you have some action items. ([Location 3420](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3420)) - Note: Action plan like - The first step is to identify your rock stars and superstars. ([Location 3445](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3445)) - Then, to make sure you are not biased, get an outside perspective. ([Location 3451](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3451)) - Make sure that you have projects or opportunities that will stretch the superstars. Make sure that you’re giving the rock stars what they need to be productive. ([Location 3455](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3455)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: Stretch for superstars and productivity for rockstars. - For the people who are doing bad work but show signs of improving: have you put these people in the wrong roles? Are expectations clear? Do they need additional training? ([Location 3457](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3457)) - five to fifteen minutes per direct report jotting down growth plans. ([Location 3465](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3465)) - Job description: define team “fit” as rigorously as you define “skills” to minimize bias. The hiring person—not a recruiter! ([Location 3499](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3499)) - An example of a good prescreen is a skills assessment: ask potential candidates to do a project or solve a problem related to the job they’re applying for. ([Location 3509](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3509)) - Four people is about the right size for an interview committee. Ideally, the interviewing committee is diverse. ([Location 3523](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3523)) - It’s also helpful if at least one of the interviewers is on another team. This prevents “desperation hiring.” ([Location 3525](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3525)) - An executive I know who’s a great hirer always walks candidates to the car. ([Location 3535](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3535)) - I know, you’re busy and you don’t have time to write everything down. Here’s a tip: schedule an hour, interview for forty-five minutes, and write for fifteen. This arrangement will force you to have a more focused interview and to make a better recommendation about whom to hire. ([Location 3546](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3546)) - if you’re not dying to hire somebody, don’t make an offer. And, even if you are dying to hire somebody, allow yourself to be overruled by the other interviewers ([Location 3550](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3550)) - A good way to ensure that everyone is on the same page is to schedule a one-hour meeting with a fifteen-minute “study hall” time at the beginning so everyone can read everyone else’s feedback. ([Location 3556](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3556)) - There are four very good reasons to push yourself to identify underperformance early. ([Location 3579](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3579)) - Note: Being fair.... - Once you’ve identified performance issues, take the time to get advice from your boss, to calibrate with your peers (if appropriate), and to get help from HR. ([Location 3588](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3588)) - When you have to fire people, do it with humility. Remember, the reason you have to fire them is not that they suck. It’s not even that they suck at this job. It’s that this job—the job you gave them—sucks for them. ([Location 3610](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3610)) - Note: Humility. The job sucks for he/she. - It’s hard to fire people, but it’s hard to quit, too. ([Location 3618](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3618)) - The debates were about the merits of a person’s promotion, not “my person” versus “your person.” ([Location 3628](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3628)) - Ask everyone on your team to send in a list of people they are planning to promote, together with a justification. ([Location 3637](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3637)) - Plan for the more senior promotions to take up more time ([Location 3642](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3642)) - Announcing promotions breeds unhealthy competition for the wrong things: documentation of status rather than development of skill. ([Location 3656](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3656)) - Note: Status vs Skill... Hmm... - organization’s focus on hierarchy often ([Location 3660](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3660)) - Focus on the work the person is doing, not the status they’ve achieved in the company for doing it. ([Location 3662](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3662)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: Focus on the work done, not the new status. - What about public praise? Yes, by all means, praise in public. But think carefully about what you are praising. Praise the things you want more of: high-quality work, mind-boggling innovation, amazing efficiency, selfless teamwork, and so on. Do you really want such a focus on promotions? If not, then don’t make such a big deal of them. ([Location 3664](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3664)) - Note: Praise on what you want more of - A thank-you goes beyond praise. Praise expresses admiration for great work. A thank-you expresses personal gratitude. ([Location 3671](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3671)) - acknowledge them as gurus in their area ([Location 3675](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3675)) - Your role will be to encourage that process of listening, clarifying, debating, deciding, persuading, and executing to the point that it’s almost as if your team shares one mind when it comes to completing projects, ([Location 3733](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3733)) - 1:1 CONVERSATIONS Employees set the agenda, you listen and help them clarify ([Location 3748](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3748)) - I found that when I quit thinking of them as meetings and began treating them as if I were having lunch or coffee with somebody I was eager to get to know better, they ended up yielding much better conversations. ([Location 3767](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3767)) - I like to meet with each person who works directly for me for fifty minutes a week. ([Location 3775](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3775)) - to avoid meeting proliferation, I recommend that managers use the 1:1 time to have “career conversations” (see chapter seven) and, if relevant, to do formal performance reviews. ([Location 3782](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3782)) - Are you OK if they come in with a set of bulleted items jotted on a napkin, or do you prefer they keep it in a shared document so you can refer back to it? Whether you want a structured agenda or you prefer a more free-flowing meeting, the agenda itself should be directed by your direct report, ([Location 3795](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3795)) - Jony Ive’s quote, “new ideas are fragile,” ([Location 3822](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3822)) - Help them clarify both their thinking about these ideas and their understanding of the people to whom they need to communicate these ideas. ([Location 3824](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3824)) - No criticism. If they never criticize you, you’re not good enough at getting guidance from your team. Remember that phrase: “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?” ([Location 3846](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3846)) - No agenda. If they consistently come with no topics to discuss, it might mean that they are overwhelmed, that they don’t understand the purpose of the meeting, or that they don’t consider it useful. Be direct but polite: “This is your time, but you don’t seem to come with much to talk about. Can you tell me why?” ([Location 3848](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3848)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - An effective staff meeting has three goals: it reviews how things have gone the previous week, allows people to share important updates, and forces the team to clarify the most important decisions and debates for the coming week. That’s it. ([Location 3857](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3857)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Here’s the agenda that I’ve found to be most effective: ■    Learn: review key metrics (twenty minutes) ■    Listen: put updates in a shared document (fifteen minutes) ■    Clarify: identify key decisions & debates (thirty minutes) ([Location 3862](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3862)) - An extremely successful—and busy—CEO I know fought this by blocking two hours of think time on his calendar every day. He wouldn’t move it for anyone. ([Location 3914](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=3914)) - I have found that the most effective solution is simply to fight fire with fire. For the same reason, I blocked off think-time in calendar; I also found it necessary to block off time in my calendar to be alone and execute. I encouraged others to do the same. This helped them say “no” to more unnecessary meetings. ([Location 4006](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4006)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Schedule an hour a week of walking-around time. ([Location 4050](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4050)) - Ask people who catch your attention—ideally, people you haven’t talked to in a while—what they’re working on. ([Location 4053](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4053)) - but because they only want to bring the important things to your attention. ([Location 4057](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4057)) - kill the “it’s not my job” or, worse, the “that’s beneath me” ([Location 4059](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4059)) - care about the small things that contribute to customer happiness ([Location 4061](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4061)) - “CULTURE EATS STRATEGY for lunch.” ([Location 4070](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4070)) - Tags: [[favorite]] - Note: Culture vs Strategy - In some ways, becoming a boss is like getting arrested. Everything you say or do can and will be used against you. ([Location 4087](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4087)) - Bob asked. “Because you told us to. You said you liked gold!” was the response. Bob thought he was just making a friendly remark, not giving a “buy” order. ([Location 4091](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01KTIEFEE&location=4091))